Pastor Tim Brown, Calvary Chapel Fremont, Sunday September 18, 2011

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Shameless Marriage - Genesis 2:18-25

Not ashamed - this is counter-intuitive.  In the Bible, nakedness/shame go together.  The primary meaning of shame is "to fall into disgrace, normally through failure...” "To be ashamed," in English stresses the inner attitude - the state of mind/emotions, while the Hebrew means "to come to shame" and stresses the sense of public disgrace... twot

So – the sense of shame here isn't so much that I feel like I have failed, but that you think I have failed. I am not so much a failure in my eyes as I am in yours. (Mid-East culture – shame culture.  Someone may not feel guilty for stealing a loaf of bread, but if caught, they bring shame to family).  I have fallen out of favor with you.  Each of us does things that bring the judgment of our spouse down upon us – putting the toilet paper roll on the wrong way/ spending too much time on the computer/disciplining the children too softly or too harshly/ignoring and neglecting one another/lying to and cheating on one another.   

What happens when you know you have fallen out of favor with your spouse and he/she is displeased w/ and judging you?  You want to hide/justify yourself/blame another.  That’s G3.  When I know that Fran is displeased with me, I want to hide/justify/blame.  (Why did you let your car get so dirty?  It’s not dirty/I’m serving God/You didn’t wash it.)

How can I have a shameless marriage? How do I keep in the favor of my wife/husband? How can I keep from being a failure in your eyes? How can I keep the respect of my spouse?  What leads to and nurtures a shameless marriage?

God’s Verdict – not good for Adam to be alone.

Good - C1 – it worked/nothing more needed 2b done/it could go forward as it is

Adam – not good 2b alone/something more 2b done 2 go forward/Raiders' tickets!  Its all good.

Eve - now it's good/it works/can go forward

Is it wrong to desire a mate? Of course not.

Most of you who desire 2b married will be married.

Some of you who want to be married won’t be married. I don’t know why. I do know that Jesus is a glorious meeter of needs/true friend – He can channel your life n2 fruitfulness.  Jesus can make any ‘not good’ situation into a ‘good’ situation.  Your life can go forward as you sow into others’ lives.   

God’s Choice - Adam waited on God – his wife was God's choice. And in waiting on God, he waited for Eve. (Of course, what else could he do – rip out his rib and try it himself?) He waited for Eve/didn't take the caveman approach – Samson at singles’ bars in philistia.   

Adam waited on God.  I am asked, “Does God have one and only one man/woman for you?”  Adam thought so.  However the question is answered, Adam had an arranged marriage.  I have an arranged marriage.  As I waited, God arranged marriage w/ Fran.

Is it wrong to seek a mate?  No. Adam did. But he let God choose.  And while he was sleeping, God was working.  Pros/cons of internet dating.

Is it normal to be frustrated before fulfillment? Yes.

Before God brought Eve to Adam, He brought him some animals.

Same w/ me - I've dated some real dogs/women, you have dated some real pigs.

Probably some of you feel like you didn’t wait on God/married into the animal kingdom.

See what he would call them – would he call one of them his wife?  Intelligence vs. discernment.

Who made decision that a suitable mate had not been found?

“What do you think, Adam?” Adam: “I'm just not feeling it.” OR – maybe Adam settled:

“Adam, you'll never see eye to eye with that giraffe.”

“Adam, that elephant will just trample you.”

“Adam, that anteater is just too nosy.”  

May you wait for God’s choice even as you’re seeking.  May you show discernment.   

God’s Timing – Adam received a wife after having a walk w/ God and a work to do.  From Eve’s point of view, she is created/married.  Eve could legitimately say, “I’ve never had any ME time.”  

Marriage is meant to take you forward.  Remember, it wasn’t good for Adam to be alone – he couldn’t go forward into the tomorrow God had for him w/o a wife.  Marriage is meant to take you forward, but for some, it prevents forward progress – in their education/ career/financial security.  Marrying out of God’s timing can create resentment/bitterness in the future.

Godly Perception – More than, “She’s the one for me,” it’s, “She is me.”  In Eve, Adam found Adam.  Whatever was incomplete, was completed in Eve.

God’s Purpose – one flesh.  One flesh, in the Hebrew mentality, included body/soul.  God’s purpose is oneness – sexual union/purpose/vision/direction/commitment…  

Wed: to bind by close and lasting ties/to blend together.  I perform bindings.  I bring people into glorious bondage.  The sum of the oneness of marriage is greater than the twoness of singleness.  In marriage one is a higher number than two.  

Naked and not ashamed – a shameless marriage

Naked - everything can be seen.

Not ashamed – nothing is being judged.

My wife sees me as no one else does/can.  She sees things no one else can see.  As she covers me w/ forgiveness/clothes me in her love/as she robes me in mercy, I am not ashamed.  I should be ashamed/standing in her judgment, but I’m not.  This is the power of the gospel applied to marriage.   

From ‘Focus on the Family’ – Love is the union of two good forgivers.   

Shameless marriage – a marriage where I don’t need to hide from your judgment because I sense I am a failure in your sight.  A marriage where there is joy/liberty/freedom/enjoying one another/not hiding… is a shameless marriage.  This is achieved by leaving the choice of spouse/timing of your marriage to God.  It is developed by spiritual perception/pursuing God’s purpose.  This is God’s original, created order for marriage.

We have messed up God’s created order.  Someone may well say -

“I didn’t marry God’s choice in God’s timing w/ a godly perception of God’s purpose.  I married who I wanted, when I wanted, why I wanted, how I wanted – it’s not good/not working/ not going forward!  I’ve messed up God’s order/really have gotten things backwards.  We are both out of favor w/ each other.”

This is why there is redemption.  God can turn your situation around to where it is good/ works/goes forward.

If you didn’t wait on God for a spouse in His timing, you can wait on God for a godly marriage.  Don’t go find a mate and do it all over again, keep the mate you have and do it all over again.  This time do it God’s way.  A godly marriage, a shameless marriage is achieved as you develop a godly perception/pursue God’s purpose.

Godly Perception - Eph. 5:28-32.  When you see me hugging my wife, you should say this to yourself, “He is so selfish.  He is so into himself.”  Us becomes me, but the me is lost in the us.  One flesh – to judge my spouse is to judge myself/to hurt my spouse is to hurt me.  To forgive her is to forgive myself.  To judge her is to judge myself.  To hate her is to hate myself.  The godly perception is: I am to live for us.  There is great self-interest in loving your spouse more than you love yourself.  You demonstrate that you love yourself when you love your spouse more than you love yourself.   

Godly Purpose - God’s purpose is oneness – sexual union/purpose/vision/values/ direction/commitment… You’ve got the sexual union down pretty good, but all else is up for grabs.  There’s a oneness in body, but not in purpose/vision/values/etc.  One flesh doesn’t happen on the honeymoon, it is the achievement of two lives blending together at every level.

This leads to godly marriage: naked – everything is seen/not ashamed – nothing is judged.

God is not ashamed of me.  He sees much deeper and w/ greater insight than my wife.  He sees all there is to see – motives/intentions/fears/thoughts…  He sees it all and yet is not ashamed of me for He covers me.  I am not naked, but clothed in the righteousness of Christ.