Pastor Tim Brown, Calvary Chapel Fremont, November 15, 2009

Download | Duration: 00:43:52

Leading in Love

1 Peter 3:7

Men Are Just Happier People - We men are so happy with the way God created us and these things make so much sense to us, we assume they make sense to our wives, too!  It’s this kind of thinking that gets us in trouble.  I love football, therefore my wife… I told Fran that if I ever do retire, I’d like to live in the high desert/canyon country.  She said that she hopes I enjoy myself!

Bambi meets Godzilla – wives broken/crushed – usually much more slowly.

We do this to our wives over/over.  Our wives are strong – get up over/over - but at one point they don’t get up again.  Peter is speaking to some men who have wives w/ broken hearts/crushed spirits/wounded souls.  Tread marks on Fran’s head.

Logic of 1P – 1:1-22 Moving into relationship w/ God | 1:23 – 2:10 Moving into relationship w/ God’s people | 2:11ff Moving out into the culture.  We are to move out into culture burning w/ a sincere love for God/one another.  Context isn’t “How To Have A Happy Marriage” or “How To Treat Your Spouse”.  The context is given to us in 2:12 – keep your behavior excellent so that God might get glory from your life.  The context isn’t on bringing happiness to your wife, but bringing glory to God.  As you understand/honor your wife, people are more open to gospel.  If you treat her as an object & not as a person, ears close.  Health of your marriage is a part of your witness.

Two Christians who are married equal Christian marriage.  

“I don’t love my wife/she doesn’t deserve understanding/honor.” You won’t do it for her, will you do it for God?  You don’t love her, do you love God?  You’ve grown unresponsive to her/to God?  Listen, if you live w/ her in an understanding way and grant her honor, the testimony of Christ/watching world/family is the winner  

7 Likewise/1 In the same way – both look back to 2:21-25.  Live like you’re on the cross/returning to Jesus.  Even as a wife is not to resort to pressuring her husband by physical/sexual charms, so a husband is not to surrender to the cultural expectation that he rule over his home w/ power. The wife is to follow in faith/the husband is to lead in love.  In the same way – w/ hearts turned to God.

Live with your wife w/ knowledge

Weaker vessel – a vessel is an instrument whereby something is accomplished.  Your wife is an instrument of God.  URA tuba while she is a flute.  UR2 live in such a way that the melody of God can be heard from her life.  The weaker vessel is the more easily exploited vessel.  Your marriage is 2BA a harmonious duet and not a solo.  (We don’t hear too many tuba solos!)  Priscilla and Aquila.

It doesn’t say: “Understand your wives”, but, “Live w/ her in an understanding way.”  More than theoretical knowledge of women, you need an operational knowledge of your wife.  Live w/ her = put that understanding/honor into practice.  If I don’t understand her, it will be easy to override/ignore her since she is the weaker vessel.  She’s a Bambi, I’m a Godzilla.  

If you’re going to get along w/ her/be a blessing to her/be a witness to Christ, you have to have knowledge/have to know a few things.  I have come to understand and know that -

    * My wife is not a morning person.  He who blesses his friend with a loud voice early in the morning, it will be reckoned a curse to him.  Proverbs 27:14
    * I spend money more freely than Fran/she has a frugal nature
    * I endure long car trips better than she does
    * She endures shopping trips better than I do (What’s more tiring men, 5 hours in the car or 1 hour at Macy’s?)

 

Men, as you seek to understand your wives, Christ is glorified and the gospel is seen at work in your life.

Grant her honor

Though physically weaker, she is spiritually equal.  The honor given to the wife is given because she is a fellow-heir; it is not a condescending honor because she is a woman.  Fellow heir of the grace of life – gift of eternal life.  She’s going to get as much as you will, so give her what she’s due, now.  Fran – men/women speakers & $.

Grant her honor - when a husband is preoccupied w/ other people/possessions/activities, he is not honoring his wife.  His wife can begin to doubt his love for her and become insecure.  An insecure wife is a woman w/ a wounded spirit.  The honor that a husband gives a wife causes her to heal and flourish.

Maybe your wife’s problem isn’t that she’s unspiritual/unresponsive, but that she is not being properly loved by you.  Husband, you were created to serve/love your wife.  In this, people are to see an example of Christ’s love 4 His church.  Loving is serving, putting your wife B4U.  What R her needs/what RU doing 2 meet needs?

9 ways a husband can wound the spirit of his wife – (from B. Gothard)

1.  By failing to put her first | 2.  By neglecting to provide spiritual leadership | 3.  By announcing sudden changes | 4.  By making unfavorable comparisons w/ other women

5.  By lacking inner discipline to control anger and impure habits | 6.  By attempting to correct her in public | 7.   By rejecting her opinions as unimportant | 8.  By disciplining the children in anger or inconsistency | 9.  By refusing to acknowledge failure and ask forgiveness

You may think you have a rebellious woman on your hands when what you really have is a wounded bear.  GPS – woman’s voice: recalibrating route/when safe, make a U-turn.  Repent now!

Prayers not hindered

In praying, you want the Lord to hear your heart/understand what you’re going through/show up and bring healing and deliverance.  You desire the Lord to come and minister to you in your weakness.  

Your wife wants U2 show up in her life.  A failure to connect w/ your wife results in a failure to connect w/ God.  A failure to partner w/ your wife results in missed opportunity to really partner w/ God.  A failure to hear your wife’s heart results in creating a scenario where the Lord won’t hear your heart.  A failure to fully walk w/ your wife results in the Lord not fully walking w/ you.  If you miss the horizontal, you’ll miss the vertical, too.  God says 2U: I’ll be as responsive 2U as UR2 your wife. You’re fasting/ praying/crying out – nothing.  Turn to your wife!  Hear her.

Jesus became head of the church after His crucifixion.  Men, your wives need a crucified husband.  Only a crucified man can understand aright/honor aright/pray aright.  What your wife needs is a man whose been to the cross.